Missing Home

For the past few days I’ve had this longing to go home to a place that’s familiar, where everybody knows me and I know them. For me, home is a place where you see the Rockies and sunsets are always orange; Denver Colorado is home. Back home I know where everything is from the local corner store, where I get sunflower seeds, to the new Ikea in Centennial. Home is familiar and comfortable, while Chicago does not feel familiar and I often am uncomfortable. This feeling of discomfort arises because I am never completely sure about my surroundings, where to shop, and if I will find any friends like I left in Denver, Everything seems unfamiliar. My heart, soul and mind ache for the feeling of home.

While all this is happening I have also met some wonderful and amazing people in this “windy city.” They have included me in activities and have made significant efforts in reaching out to me and getting to know me. An example is my two roommates who are both from Chicago and grew up in the same neighborhood. It’s easy to see that they are best friends and they love to do things together. I am the new guy in this chemistry that they have created and they have invited me to do things together as we are getting to know one another.  But like I said, I’m the new guy; there are times where I feel as though I am not really part of the in-crowd and it’s not that I’m being left out but I feel as though it’s best I’m not a part of whatever it is that they are doing. I am the third wheel so to speak. In these moments it’s most apparent that I have this homesickness. There friends are over and hanging out and have a wonderful while I have no friends to call my own. I can’t call up my friend George and say Hey lets go out and chill for a little while. Part of me just wants to yell and scream but I know that this is a challenge for me.

With all of these thoughts racing through my head I cannot help but wonder how Jesus felt, did he ever get homesick or did he have that sort of peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:6,7)? I don’t have an answer for this question but I do know what I’m feeling. Moving forward these feelings may or may not leave I do know however God wants me to learn something from this. That is wherever my heart lies, that’s where home will be. My parents are the best example I know of this.

Both of my parents are Canadian and came to America many years ago only planning staying for a few short years until returning home. That however didn’t happen.  I remember my father saying that he and my mother originally moved to California for school and that they had every intention of moving back to Canada. It wasn’t home for them. After a few years my father received a job offer in Colorado as an assistant pastor. A few years later I came along and instead of going back to Canada they choose to make Colorado home. Today both my brother and I are proud to call Colorado home. While originally they had no intention of staying, in time they found things that they loved about Colorado, enough to start and raise a family in their adopted home!

The Colorado State capitol dome in real Colorado gold gilding stands on the left in this skyline shot of downtown with the distant Pike's Peak mountain looming in the background in Denver on April 30, 2011.     UPI/Gary C. Caskey

The Colorado State capitol dome in real Colorado gold gilding stands on the left in this skyline shot of downtown with the distant Pike’s Peak mountain looming in the background in Denver on April 30, 2011. UPI/Gary C. Caskey

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4 Responses to Missing Home

  1. marie moyers says:

    How did all this fit into you attending Columneetza?


  2. Annette says:

    So incredibly proud of you Kyle. I truly enjoy reading your postings and seeing how grown up you are becoming. Simply awesome!


  3. Lucy Suniga says:

    Alex & I believe that in time you will become more comfortable In your new surroundings. We know that there is never no place like home. We love & miss you. Alex & Lucy.


  4. Mary says:

    Kyle, You are doing great. It is hard to live in a new space. Even after being in LA for 4 years, I still miss small town California at times. Give it time. Continue to be stretched and open to new experiences. Keep leaning into God. He can bring peace when there should be none.


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